Some of you are well aware (because I probably complain to you about it) that our 2 year old is an early riser...oh boy!! And, for those of you who know me well, you know that I am anything but an early riser!! This has been a source of frustration for me for quite a while...I keep hoping he will learn that 6 a.m. is not an appropriate wake-up time. Since I've had this "wish" for over 2 years now, I probably need to learn to let it go and embrace it for what it is. Oh, how I wish I had of done that a couple of months ago. This is where the story gets good...or, should I say, it gets bad...
One of Rowin's favorite things to do is to come crawl in bed with us during the night...this started the day we brought Hudson home from the hospital...literally, the first day we were all home! He had never gotten out of his bed during the night until we brought baby brother home. Oh the joys! :) He doesn't come get in bed with us every night but it is pretty often...and that is another blog post for another day!! Anyways, it was early one morning...right around 5:20 a.m. and I had already been up with Hudson a couple of times during the night. Well, Rowin didn't just come crawl in bed with us...he was UP!!!! That little joker was out of bed and ready to play!! We put him in bed with us in hopes of him calming down enough for us to snooze a few more minutes, and wouldn't you know it, at that exact same time Hudson woke up needing to feed. So, off I went to take care of Hudson and I was planning to put him back to bed after he ate, but I never got the chance. Rowin came barrelling in his room as pumped up as he could be...it was like he was on a sugar high at 5:30 in the morning!! I asked him to calm down and not be so loud because I didn't want him to get Hudson excited so much that he wouldn't go back to sleep either. Needless to say, that didn't happen. He just got more and more excited and the louder he got the more it woke up Hudson. And, my plan of us all crawling back in bed and catching 20 more minutes of sleep was ruined, lost forever, gone with no hope of return!
And, that's when it happened...one of those moments I wish I could take back. I unleashed my fury on my sweet 2 year old...I was so frustrated and tired and desperately wanting sleep that I took out my anger on Rowin. Oh, I wish I could take it back...if only I could have gone back in time and just kept my cool, held it together, bitten my tongue...why didn't I do anything other than yell at him and make us all cry, but I didn't.
After it was all over I was standing in the kitchen, wiping my tears and feeling absolutely horrible for how I had treated my own son...and that's when I heard his sweet, soft little voice singing "In Christ alone, my hope is found, he is my light my strength, my song. This cornerstone this solid ground firm through the fiercest drought and storm" At that moment it hit me, I had lost sight of my one, true hope...instead of focusing on Christ and the grace he lavishes on us I focused on myself and my own selfish desires. Instead of taking that moment for what it was, an early morning opportunity to spend with both of my boys, I focused on my fatigue and what I wanted. Will I ever learn this lesson???
I went and apologized to Rowin and told him how truly sorry I was for reacting the way that I did. I did not show him Christ, and I tried to explain to him that mommies and daddies need Jesus just as much as he does. And, praise the Lord for our precious children who at times seem incapable of holding a grudge because he just smiled at me, crawled in my lap and said, "zaza (love you)...want montney (milk), mommy."
"The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." Psalm 103:8 Help me be more like Christ!
And, that's when it happened...one of those moments I wish I could take back. I unleashed my fury on my sweet 2 year old...I was so frustrated and tired and desperately wanting sleep that I took out my anger on Rowin. Oh, I wish I could take it back...if only I could have gone back in time and just kept my cool, held it together, bitten my tongue...why didn't I do anything other than yell at him and make us all cry, but I didn't.
After it was all over I was standing in the kitchen, wiping my tears and feeling absolutely horrible for how I had treated my own son...and that's when I heard his sweet, soft little voice singing "In Christ alone, my hope is found, he is my light my strength, my song. This cornerstone this solid ground firm through the fiercest drought and storm" At that moment it hit me, I had lost sight of my one, true hope...instead of focusing on Christ and the grace he lavishes on us I focused on myself and my own selfish desires. Instead of taking that moment for what it was, an early morning opportunity to spend with both of my boys, I focused on my fatigue and what I wanted. Will I ever learn this lesson???
I went and apologized to Rowin and told him how truly sorry I was for reacting the way that I did. I did not show him Christ, and I tried to explain to him that mommies and daddies need Jesus just as much as he does. And, praise the Lord for our precious children who at times seem incapable of holding a grudge because he just smiled at me, crawled in my lap and said, "zaza (love you)...want montney (milk), mommy."
"The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." Psalm 103:8 Help me be more like Christ!
In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
